all we can do

A reader once castigated me for being so frank with my kids about the dangers posed by Trump and Vance. She called me irresponsible and said I was depriving my kids of a sense of security. I didn’t respond. But I suppose if I had, I might have just said that children already know the world is full of bad men. It’s not my job to pretend the bad men don’t exist, it’s my job to help my kids know I will protect them from the bad men. And to help them understand how to protect others. 

I was still in bed when I understood Donald Trump had been re-elected. Riley was beside me. We both stared up at the ceiling, grief-stricken. 

I’ve spent months researching Trump, Vance, and the billionaires funding their regime. I have an understanding of what will begin to happen to us, to this land, to lands far from ours, when Trump takes office in January. I also understand how we can thrive in spite of them, how we can push back, when we will need to lie still and wait.

But I realized, there in the dark, I hadn’t found the one bit of understanding I needed desperately that morning. 

“How are we going to - "

If I kept talking, I’d cry. Riley didn’t need me to finish the sentence. He found my hand under the sheets, 

“I don’t know.” 

I pushed myself away from him and out of bed. How were we going to tell the kids? Maybe I’d be able to think clearly in the shower.

I closed my eyes and let the hot water sting my cheeks. What do my daughters need to know?

They need to know they are safe. I will keep them safe. They have people in their lives who will keep them safe. 

They need to know there is a lot happening in any election. Historically, incumbent parties almost never get re-elected during inflationary periods.

They need to know that is true and still. Trump’s unfitness should have trumped precedent. Trump won because a lot of people in this country hate women, hate Black people, hate Indigenous people, hate children, hate disabled people, hate queer people, hate transpeople, hate…well…Trump won because a lot of people in this country hate. 

They need to know that a lot of those people are White Women. A majority of White women voted for Trump. They are doing what White women have done since white became a category. 

Aren’t these women worried about what the New Right means to do to all women? No, not really. Some think they will be insulated from the harm. And I suppose some will be. But also - White women have always climbed up on the altar of white supremacy, pulled their daughters up behind them, and then lit themselves on fire. 

They need to know those White women need to be pulled down by other White women - like me. Preferably before their daughters and our daughters are burnt up. 

They need to know a lot of those people are men who claim they are just trying to find a way to make themselves men again. I don’t doubt these men feel a sense of loss. They feel dispossessed for the same reason most of us do - shareholder supremacy keeps us from staking our own lives. Instead of dismantling the power structure that’s robbed them of wages and purpose, they’re intent on expanding it. They’ll be men again once they’re dominated enough people, I guess. 

They need to know that I am not even sure what "masculinity" is at this point. But I've known their dad since he was a boy. And as he's become a man driven by love, he's given up power. That seems like manhood to me.

They need to know that I don’t know if this country has ever been a better place than it is now. But I do know it has been a worse place than it is now. And that’s not making excuses for what is now or to come. It’s just a perspective that matters if only to remind us that harder work has been done in worse circumstances. We have no excuse to stare at the ceiling for too long. 

They need to know that people will make them feel like the tension in this country will fray them to bits. But tension is subject to restoring force and so all tension is potential energy. The trick is to learn how to let that potentiality go to work on you. 

They need to know this is how it works. We have been taught to think of progress as a straight line to a better place. So it feels like we’ve been forced off a path we will never regain. But the thing we call progress is really just care work and care work isn’t an arrow pointing in one direction, it’s a circle that brings us to one another. We were never going to move beyond bad men, bad systems, bad outcomes.

All we can ever do - all humans have ever been able to do - is move towards one another.

I got out, dried myself off, and got dressed. I knocked on my thirteen-year-old’s door first. I could hear her waking up. A yawn and then, come in!

“Do we know who won yet?"

I sat down next to her, my hand on her arm. 

“Yeah, well…Donald Trump won. And I need you to know that everything is going to be okay! You are safe. I will keep you safe. And - “

She’d started crying. And now it seemed like I had to keep talking to keep from crying. But I couldn’t remember what I knew she needed to know.

I had to speak to cut off my tears, so I patted her arm and said, “Hey! It’s going to be okay. This is just the first day of the next phase of resistance!!”

But we both knew that was a stupid thing to say and she started crying harder and then I was crying too. I leaned over and held her, and then Riley came in and held both of us.

It was all we could do. 

Looking for what to do next?

I will share ways to move towards one another at the end of every newsletter! Today, I am recommending The Barnraisers Project—especially if you are a White person looking to dismantle White supremacy. We gotta clean up our own mess, you know?

Consider attending this event by Garrett Bucks, the founder of The Barnraisers Project and author of The Right Kind of White.

Hey friends. One of the things that I love in the midst of this difficult moment is that there have been and will be no shortage of calls and meetings helping bighearted folks channel their rage/heartbreak about the 2024 election into action. This is one of those spaces. It likely won’t be massive, and isn’t affiliated with a big name left-leaning org. What it will be is a relatively short (hour long) offering about how to think about your next steps in your local community and how those steps can both keep your neighbors safe and help fuel larger efforts for a kinder country and world. The vibes will be purposeful but warm, and you’re welcome even if (especially if) you’ve never organized before. 

When we describe an order of power - in writing, on a group chat, over dinner - we are observing its limits. We are helping each other see the boundaries of the world that order creates. Once we've marked every boundary, we can see where that world ends.

The series on JD Vance and the Pro-Slavery New Right will continue. Unfortunately, it no longer gets to be a limited series. I'll be describing this order of power for the next four years - at least. Expect accessible additions to the series each month.

See you tomorrow.

Meg