The Future of Crypto Reproductive Rights is Here
And other concerning innovations from the future
This is satire in that the VC fund I created for this piece doesn’t exist. But it’s real in that every system and incentive I mention has been in place for a long time. I don't have a way for us to fix it right now. But there is a family in Gaza that I'd like us to help.
I found Maryam’s family through Gaza Funds. I want Maryam to find safety with her family. I want her to sleep without being woken by bombs.
I posted this link to my social media a couple of days ago. At the time the GoFundMe had raised around $1200. It's up to $4k now. The family needs $55k to pay for passage out of Gaza. I know that's a big number that we won't hit with just this community. But maybe if you each share in all the other communities you're a part of, we can make it happen.
The Mother Will See You Now
This is an Infinite Regress Venture Capital Fund update. It has been sent out to everyone used to train our LLMs. There is no way to unsubscribe.
At Infinite Regress, we do not just invest in visionary startups; we invest in our vision of the future. Our portfolio companies use bleeding-edge technology to gather data from their customer's most intimate moments. That data is then reinvested into shaping the future through proprietary algorithms.
Despite our best efforts, we do not live in a society algorithmically-aligned with the will of a Sovereign Technologist. Everyday people still have a hand in shaping our future. Mothers are especially influential everyday people. So we've raised $2.5 billion for Mother May I, our fund dedicated to investing in startups that center motherhood.
The timing couldn't be better. American mothers are increasingly isolated as privatization crushes community and shreds a threadbare social safety net. Infinite Regress portfolio companies are not waiting for an invitation to step in with their network of future-focused innovation. The network effect binds consumers to Infinite Regress portfolio companies and Infinite Regress portfolio companies to Infinite Regress.
Mother May I is just one of many funds aligning us with a future where each consumer produces value for Infinite Regress. And if that doesn't make Infinite Regress Mother Herself, we don't know what does.
Aborted Futures
Aborted Futures is an award-winning life simulation game from blockchain game pioneer Minos. After Roe was overturned, many companies invested in initiatives designed to virtue signal their commitment to reproductive rights. Minos wasn't one of them. They kept their focus.
Minos recognized Dobbs accelerated an already emerging market: consumers who want an abortion but cannot get one. With the support of Infinite Regress's differentiated platforms, Minos was able to beat competitors to market. Aborted Futures was released just three months after Dobbs. With a subscription-based model and expanding consumer base, the future of Aborted Futures is looking bright!
About the Game
In Aborted Futures, the player gets to live the life she would have had without her unexpected, unwanted pregnancy. Minos accesses each player's lifetime search history, crawls their social media, and scans their phone conversations. Then, using proprietary technology, Aborted Futures renders the life each player hoped to have. Once this immersive environment is complete, the simulation can begin.
While the player is in labor, her Aborted Futures avatar can pursue a degree in STEM. While she struggles to pay for childcare, her Aborted Futures avatar can go to Burning Man. It's not all fun. This is a reality-based simulation, after all.
America's anti-care economic conditions exist in Aborted Futures too. But each player is unconstrained by care! So they are able to lead a life capitalism recognizes as productive.
Players earn AF tokens each time they hit a market-valued life goal. The tokens can be used to purchase in-game items like seasonal skins and virtual real estate. They can also become limited partners in an in-game venture capital fund!
A recent expansion made Aborted Futures even more inclusive. Many women want to keep their pregnancies but face life-threatening complications. Life-saving abortions are not available in nearly two dozen states. The women killed by abortion bans can continue to live on in Aborted Futures.
With a fully automated option, the dead woman's avatar can remain a productive member of an in-game society. The deceased's loved ones can even check in on her automated avatar! They just have to sign up for their own account. In honor of the deceased's memory, loved ones can use AF Tokens to purchase GPUs that the automated avatar can donate to Minos.
Of course, this continuation of a pregnant woman's story story depends on her uploading her data to Aborted Futures. The upload should be done before she's in a healthcare crisis. You never know what might happen!
Minos is offering all pregnant women 50% off the first year of Aborted Futures. Just use the code MotherMayI when signing up for your initial ten-year subscription.
Bombs Away
Alchemal innovates at the intersection of effective altruism, defense solutions, and motherhood.
Alchemal just raised $3 billion in their Series C. The round, led by Infinite Regress, gave Alchemal a valuation of $120 billion. The Series C sent shockwaves through the tittering media class. They dedicated a news cycle to wondering if Infinite Regress was doubling down to hype Alchemal's stock before dumping it. They were wrong again.
Frankly, Alchemal's latest product offering, Bombs Away, makes us wonder if we undervalued the company.
In conflicts across the world, the United States and foreign governments use American bombs to kill civilians. As civic-minded people invested in our current power structures, the founders of Alchemal understand that this carnage is necessary. They are proud to design many of the smart systems that guide bombs to target families sitting down to dinner together. Unfortunately, people ruled by emotions lack Alchemal's algorithmically aligned understanding.
A good example of this is the recent hysteria over the 35,000+ civilians killed in Israel's War on Gaza. 70% of those killed are women and children. Many of those women and children were torn to shreds by America's eminently effective 500-pound and 2000-pound bombs.
Hysterical people see images of baby limbs strewn about Gaza rubble and call for a ceasefire. They demand Hamas returns Iraeli hostages. They say they want an end to what they call,"Israel's genocide of the Palestinian people."
Of course, this is nonsense. Conflict is just another form of disruption. We must disrupt everything before we can truly scale an Infinitely Regressive future.
But Alchemal is pragmatic and understands hysteria can stunt adoption. Bombs Away is their latest financialized behavioral modification product designed to address this growing issue.
Bombs Away leverages proprietary algorithms, an expanding network effect, and its relationship with the Department of Defense to mitigate the American public's perception of the impact of American bombs.
Each 500-lb and 2000-lb bomb in the US arsenal is tokenized and placed on the blockchain. Average American citizens purchase fractional ownership of a single bomb or an entire bomb shipment. Using classified data sets and probability formulas, Alchemal predicts when and where an investor's bomb will be used.
Bomb values rarely dip, but they can climb quickly in eras of sustained conflict. Explosives predicted to impact areas key to American oil and computer chip interests tend to have higher values. But it would be foolish to negate the impact of resonance on a bomb's value. For example, bombs predicted to impact places tied to American nostalgia also tend to have a higher token price.
Until the bomb detonates, investors can make money through blockchain-based futures and options trading. So far, so good. But it's once the bomb explodes that Alchemal's innovation becomes apparent!
Using thermal imaging, cell signal records, and data scraped from local IP addresses, Alchemal can tell each investor how many people their bomb killed. Not only that! They can estimate each person's age at death, along with predicted productivity if they'd lived to average regional life expectancy.
This information is churned through a proprietary formula that predicts the probable economic value of each dead person's life. That value is then divided between fractional owners through Life Value Tokens. Investors can opt-in to donate 10% of each Life Value Token to Alchemal's non-profit arm, Open Alchemy.
Open Alchemy is dedicated to the cause of helping mothers and children live productive lives. Their most recent initiative is Data for Housing, a program that offers market-rate housing to single mothers in exchange for unmediated access to all of their data, including biometrics captured by 24/7 wearables.
Want to help people become aligned with Infinite Regress? Become an Alignment Ambassador! Applications open June 1, 2024. Applicants will be reviewed by a panel of homunculi harvested from Sam Altman's ass and Marc Andreessen's ear wax.
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